Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
