ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
