I hate your face
i jhust puked up my retainher.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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