i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
