Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
