3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
