he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
