cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
