My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
