A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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