i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
