Apparently you make a good broom.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
