I'm lost and stupid without you.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize