apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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