Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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