I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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