that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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