everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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