The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
