could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
