Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
