haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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