Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
