Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
