so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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