AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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