For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
