Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
