I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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