This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
