dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
