Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i think my cat just said my name.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
