i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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