It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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