I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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