Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
