make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
