My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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