you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
how does that bad decision feel?
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