history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
