my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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