I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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