she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
