The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
