Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
