TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
