Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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