My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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