Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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