Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need a beard to bite.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
