I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just invented taco cereal.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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