I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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