A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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