i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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