the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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