We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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