Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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