ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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