hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
