just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
