Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
