at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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