I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
