Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it hurts more in the daytime
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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