Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
