Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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